surprise today

What have I been doing all this time? Haha, no time to update.
April: Had wonderful Easter singing one easy song and one difficult one...

May: Went through whirlwind at work before being able to [semi]safely enjoy my trip to Europe... Had to reorganize at work when I returned! The opportunity to visit just crept up unawares! Europe, I found, is just like any other tourist destination - got to see places w/ a calm heart. Very enjoyable and relaxing though. Forced to use my high school French for the first time, hahaha. Might give a more detailed blurb later.

June: Co-started a new bible study with people at my fellowship - an amazing answered prayer! The skills I gleaned from BSF were really helpful here. God doesn't waste any of our experiences. The start of going to many many bbq's - is that everyone's fave activity? Got to eat oysters 2-3 times, hehe.

July: Enjoyed Independence Day w/ friends, tried out accountability...

August: Celebrated birthdays with friends. Just got a card from a friend thanking me for attending her surprise birthday party. She must've hid it under my bible yesterday - sneaky! Now I get one free drink from Jamba juice - wow it's been ages since I've gone there... I was so surprised to get those from her because when you truly enjoy someone's company, you don't really expect any gift back in return. Friends truly make life more enjoyable and worthwhile.

Signing off now,
Athena

Farewell March

End of the month again, so a temporary breather from many things...

Amidst setbacks like computer crashes and sickness, it has been easier to wake up from routine and realize that God has the power to see through my everyday life. When it seems there is no more energy to do things well at work and ministry, I am forced to trust God to work in these imperfect conditions, and that the end result will be just as He wanted it.

On second thought, although it is harder to do, I have to remember that God works in exactly the same way even when things are going very well in life. "When the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." (Titus 3:4,5) His mercy is the only antidote for my tendency toward legalism. I am glad that He has answers and is the answer to everything. And I should fear Him and take joy in Him more than I am doing right now.

Sometimes I understand how hard it can be to be aware of all that the world thinks is great, and not be able to take part in it. The thought that I hold onto is that surely, our nonbelieving friends will not be impressed with us if all that we do follows the world's standards down to a tee. That makes for a completely ineffective witness. Why are we living the life we live? What is the reason? Sometimes, it is necessary to do hard things (as inspired by two very unusual teenagers) even when we don't see immediate benefit from it. Surely it is not to achieve social status or applause from men, because those are guaranteed to be nonexistent, hehehe.

So long, self (Mercy me).

Choir and radio

We're singing Haydn's mass for Easter. So excited to be singing again. There are some pretty high notes for the soprano part, and when we repeatedly sing them, it can strain the throat. So sometimes I take the chinese herbal syrup afterwards. I've told people that after taking it, it feels like I've returned to HK. Can't explain why. Perhaps my childhood memory of the place involves the smell of all those chinese herbs at the street vendors.

XM radio has expired for my car for quite a while already. I was used to knowing each song's title and artist right away on the display. However, it's another form of enjoyment to return to normal radio. I can just focus on the music and find out about it afterwards, when the dj back-announces it. In some ways it's better since it allows the mind to be a clean slate.

On another note, that NBA commercial with the dramatic classical music just had me cracking up, because it was so good. I have to doublecheck what exactly they were trying to sell...

Detox: After-effects

Let me backtrack a bit.

There is also a danger regarding conferences. But hopefully only a temporary one. When true messages of Christ's atoning death for our sins, and the Father's raising Him up in glory, and God's call for us to glorify Him in our faithful service, repeatedly hit you not in the head, but through your heart, somehow it takes a while for it all to sink in.

And when it does, it's just like the period right after a detox diet--you develop an increased sensitivity to certain things. It takes half the time to notice sin, or things that do not please God. This can be good or bad depending on how you look at it.

Good in the sense that God is refining me through discipline that purifies. But bad in the sense that sometimes I still feel off-balance, coupled with a vague sense of frustration, and the stark realization that there's a long way to go in my walk with God.

So ultimately, it must be for good, since the Holy Spirit helps in the process by opening my eyes to the things that need to be taken care of in my life, and reminds me that all my efforts are useless unless I first ask God to intervene and really work in all that I do.

God has an amazing way in working in "ultimate mode," and this encourages me when I can't see far on my own.

In conclusion, Resolved messages on "defending the gospel" have reminded me that the stuff I heard are in no way lofty philosophies fit only for intellectuals. They clarify very basic questions that each Christian has. This process of illumination is a fundamental necessity to all Christians at some point of their lives. It's just good to start the immersion process even when increased awareness sometimes involves necessary grief.

Hangover: Resolved

[Hang.over] - My Definition: the lingering sensation from the effects of an intense event that just occurred. Dictionary Definition: A letdown, as after a period of excitement.

This is what I'm feeling w/ the Resolved Conference 2007 . It was the first time, believe it or not, that I went to a Christian conference such as this. 3,000 like-minded individuals, all hungering and thirsting for real spiritual food, not the watered-down stuff they serve you at some churches nowadays. It was really a blast of teaching at a weekend that I'll never forget.

It is so reassuring that there are others like myself who want something more, and who want to be better equipped for their local church. Also, I always felt I needed more explanation about certain phrases like "glorify God in all you do" or "go take part in a short-term mission". I really didn't know the full reason of these things until after Resolved.

A sample of the stuff I gleaned from Resolved:

1. Why do people say "glorify God in all you do?"
--> John Piper reminded us that the glorification of God is what God wants most of all, and that's what we are called to do ultimately as His creation

2. What's the true purpose of missions?
--> Following up from 1, so that all nations will not only know God but worship Him, so He can be glorified ultimately.

3. What does a truly expository sermon sound like?
--> I knew about this one from college days (PJ!), but John McArthur really laid it down without skipping any verses, in all his sermons

4. "How a good sermon points us toward God, not the preacher as personality/celebrity"
--> John McArthur said this, and exemplifies this too

5. What's wrong with the Prosperity Gospel (if you believe in God, you'll have a comfortable life, your kids will get to the best schools, you won't experience trouble/sickness)?
--> John Piper said because "natural man already desires this. You don't need the Holy Spirit to desire these things"; the same holds true for "believing God just to avoid the punishment of hell"--that's not good enough a reason to believe in God

6. Why do I feel embarrassed about sharing the gospel?
--> John McArthur: the gospel is foolishness to those that are perishing (1 Cor 1:18). Only the Holy Spirit will open the eyes of those who are called. Otherwise, no one would want to accept such a "shameful" gospel.

Also, I had the chance to meet some old friends from college, as well as get to know the new friends I hung out with during that weekend. God really opened my eyes that I wasn't living in a vacuum. There are God-honoring young people out there. It is possible to be knowledgeable about the bible yet humble at the same time. And it is extremely rewarding hanging out with them. Not only because they get my jokes wrought with dry humor, or because it seems like we've known each other more than a few days, but because of the assurance that their pursuit of God is founded on a solid foundation in Scripture.

Most of what officially went on this past weekend can be found here.

Still excited from the past weekend. Hope everyone had a wonderful western and Chinese new year! Maybe I'll share more next time.

Encounters

Been thinking about how I always have "interesting episodes" involving elderly people. Aside from the first one, which I try to laugh at myself w/, the others are ones I really want to record down before I forget about them.

1. Most recently, while in HK, I spot a nice tote that I think would work really well for bible study. I walk a little ways away to show mom, when this old lady stops me and asks,
"Where did you get that bag?" I point her to the general direction.
"Are you wanting that bag? Can I have it?"
"Yes [when I really meant "back off!!!"], I'm keeping it."

Hahahah, sorry lady, go hunt for your own stuff. Also made me think, "Are my tastes really old-lady style?" Hahaha. For example, I like to look at stuff from Anthropologie, or vintage stores (though not necessarily buy from there), but my friends prefer Puma, or sporty-inspired stores. Go figure. Or maybe I can comfort myself by thinking, "She was probably thinking of getting that for her granddaughter." Let's hope this is the case, hahaha. Should mention also that there was a sale during that particular weekend, so the HKers were crazier than their usual selves!

2. Met a teacher at the City Hall cafe Maxim, for the first time. Only saw pictures and heard of her, but never met her in person. She was so warm and funny, showed me pictures of her family and grandkids, and told me her daughter-in-law (was it? some family member) is the president or something at Fossil. That was pretty cool. And when we said goodbye, she gave me (or I guess we gave each other) the European kiss.

3. Back in October, we're celebrating a friend's birthday by going to the Italian restaurant Mona Lisa, in San Francisco. Waiting for the restroom when the old lady behind me asks if I'm Japanese. Turns out she is Italian, but her son-in-law is Japanese, and she is so proud of having multi-cultural grandkids (also half-Brazilian half-Italian ones). She just starts talking a lot about how Italians follow the mom's side when it comes to cooking traditions (I really wish I remembered more about our perfect conversation about the different clans). Their table was celebrating a birthday as well. Before she leaves, I thank and hug her as if we've been old friends, hahaha.

4. At j-supermarket, I'm going through the checkout when the Japanese old lady behind me asks me, "Nandeska? [then thankfully in English] What is it?"
"It's milk tea. It's really good. And what is that?" [I point at the plant that she's buying]
"Oh....that is uh....root."

Well, that wasn't too bad, was it? So see, interesting encounters w/ people occur every day. Just have to keep your eyes open, and be ready for it whenever it happens. The ability to laugh at self is also very useful as well. That means that you are comfortable w/ yourself and won't be surprised at others' jokes at you when it happens, bc you already know the weird things that make up "you".

I'm trying to bunch all the old-people-encounters I've had this year, so they can be in one place. Ha ha ha . What I learned is to trust in God every day. Prep for the day by praying before going out. Then God blesses every interaction we have, and we've more awareness that it is actually God working, and not us laboring at air for something. Of course there are ups and downs, but God never fails and His mercy has never depended on our human level of faithfulness. That is good news.

Hong Kong Revisited

Sounds like a book, don't it? Well, maybe I'll write one, if I've time to shape my thoughts into words. Give me n number of years, hahahaha...

Well, just returned from my trip to HK. I think the strongest feelings I got were: 1) No more fear interacting with the locals, and 2) No more sadness about not being a local.

Sound complicated? Well, here's a breakdown of 1): as I've been telling a million different people already, HKers are so much nicer now! They're friendlier and more courteous, especially people in sales and restaurants. So that is a wonderful thing on all accounts. Other nice things: cleaner in general, automatic faucets in restrooms ("just like France," my confident cousin Sylvia would say), pier is still beautiful, the peak is breathtaking... I'm sure I'll think of some more things to say.

2) Not meant to be negative, but positive. The sense of lostness that I felt so strongly six years ago is gone now. Don't know why. I guess back then, I hadn't come to grips that HK is no longer my home, but the U.S. is now my home. Now, I've let go of all that. In other words, when in HK, do as the HKers do and have fun! Enjoy the local atmosphere and conveniences. Back home in the U.S.: back to my own identity, free to be the rest of myself beside the HK part. Being truly global is one of my dreams (and possibly future goal in life)--to develop an inner calm and be comfortable in virtually any environment.

I think these thoughts are more significant in comparison to the little stuff I did every day, interesting as those were. You can be happy in any geographical area, provided that you have a reason to live and a goal you can work toward, and have a close relationship with God.

no trespassing

Passage: Acts 16:6-10
Verse: When he had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go into Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them. (Acts 16:10)

"No Trespassing!"

You're holding a tourist map, all geared up and ready to go. You've made up your mind to revisit that tourist attraction spot, and on the way there, you keep imagining how beautiful the scene will be. In the end, however, you either take a wrong turn, or is it the map's fault?--so when you get there, what stands in front of you is this surprisingly huge mountain.

You just stand there, and in addition to feeling so disappointed, you also don't know what to do. At this moment, God presents a challenge to you: "Do you want to know what lies behind the mountain? Do you have the courage to climb it and take a look?"

"OK," you say, "why should I turn back now?" Finally, you take the winding path and reach behind the mountain. In front of you lies an unimaginably picturesque view. You stand at the top of the mountain with the vastness in front of you, and you're too excited and happy for words!

Somehow, one way or another, we've always fashioned life maps for ourselves, whether for short-term use or for the long haul. You've had it all planned out, and you're striving for this goal you've set for yourself. Apostle Paul did exactly this. For many years, he spread the gospel in Asia and had a heart for the churches there. He had planned to return there to strengthen his fellow believers. Moreover, he was already getting old and thought Asia was his last stop. However, God challenged him to go to Europe to evangelize. Turns out that God's Kingdom spanned a map that was much much larger. From the pioneering work of Paul, plus the hard work done by countless missionaries, today the gospel has reached almost all the corners of the earth.

When you get rejected by your dream college [ed. or receive any "unanswered" prayer, for that matter], instead of asking yourself if you've worked hard enough, or question whether God has been fair, please remember you can only see a very blurry picture. God, however, has the complete blueprint of your life in His hands. Are you willing to let Him guide you to what lies ahead?


Meditate: The Lord is my best thought. Awake or asleep, may He be my guide.

[The above was one devotion I just did while in Hong Kong. Translation by me, =D.]

orange pop up

Update: turns out my cousin still needs many prayers, because there're still three spots in his lung, plus gall bladder stones. Please join me in prayer for him! I sent a quick e-mail to his daughter (my cousin once-removed) saying I'm thinking of them.

And interestingly, she google-m's me! It's my first time using google chat. Pretty cool. Very small window keeps the chat simple but effective. I forget that we're only 1 hour apart. It feels like she's in the next room...

This has been the excellent answered prayer that's happened today.

[Late 2007: My cousin came to be w/ the Lord at last. I heard that he really enjoyed the extra time he got from many of our prayer prayers, to spend with his loved ones before leaving Earth. I've since learned to pray for dying people like this: "Lord, please extend this person's life so that they can have more breath to praise, honor and glorify You!! So that those around them can recognize Your healing power!! Can the dead sing praises to You? Can those in the grave worship You? Since they cannot, please hear my prayer to give life to this person, just as You have delighted to give us spiritual life for all eternity." Turns out that God has answered my prayer for him. If God likes this kind of prayer, I might use it again in the future. =)]

start of winter

Hey, winter seems to be just around the corner... been getting chilly lately. This morning for breakfast I had the world's best instant oatmeal. This coming from me is surprising. I usually dislike oats since they're so grainy. This kind is unusually smooth though--almost tastes like cream of wheat. I like the Maple and Apple varieties.

Also, it's easy to make: just fill half-full w/ hot water, then microwave for 30 seconds, then 20-s increments so it won't overflow. Then add milk. What could be a better no-brainer than that?

Heheh, irish oatmeal from Trader Joe's--the perfect complement to any winter-chill morning. [End commercial.]

chocolate: experiences

Recently, I bought a bar of Meiji 99% cacao chocolate, thinking it would make a surprising gift for mom, right? Well, it did surprise her all right, but not quite in the way I expected it to. It was bitter, which was expected, but it also tasted dead, almost salty! Argh, this happens because it's in Japanese! I should've seen some of the writing I could read, but I decided to ignore those. Well, there're always times when you buy something totally unedible. You just have to let it go and treat it as a learning opportunity. I used to freak out about mistakes, but these days, I'm beginning to think that an adequate dose of wrong decisions brings you closer to your desired destination.

But sometimes you take a detour. Some days later, I bought a Dagoba organic chocolate bar, "infused" w/ lavender and blueberries. "Cool," I thought.

Or so I thought.

Yes, it was very good dark chocolate, but afterwards I had a splitting headache! At least it felt like one because I haven't had one in ages. I even had to sleep w/ that headache. What a bother. Sometimes spontaneous purchases/food experiments leave you worse off than before. However, courage in trying new things in itself should be applauded.

good news

Praise Him that He has been working mightily--my cousin's cancer has shrunk a good deal, and the doctor says it's pretty much a miracle. The hospital staff will be monitoring the tumor to see if they can arrange for a liver transplant to be done. Praise God for answering prayers!!

Life really is so fragile. It's a good time to pause and ask what's real important in life, then go ahead and pursue those things. I've decided to cut all the crap that takes up my time and leads to nowhere. Then pick up on the projects I've neglected, even if it means dragging my feet a bit in the initial stages.

Peace in the Easter storm

Recently, we heard that our cousin was diagnosed with cancer. I really feel for the family and was struck at the fragility of life, and how sometimes a too-easygoing attitude about little pains in the body translates into poor health management.

I've been corresponding with the daughter a lot, who is also my cousin (but once-removed or something like that, I can never get it straight) and sent her a book that I received before I graduated from college, before I was hit with the anxiety pangs of job-hunting. The book really reminded me of God's presence, and I pray it will help my cousin-friend as well.

Just an interesting tidbit to share: when I went on Amazon to order the book, I was bombarded with "recommendations" to buy tons of Hebrew dictionaries! Nothing but scholarly-looking book covers with Hebrew designs. It took me a while to realize that the last purchase I made was the Hebrew textbook I ordered for my college class, which was a long while ago. Now it made sense!

/grammar >_<

Just finished proofreading a friend's paper today. It took some time, but I was happy to help. I don't think I'm good at many things, but I know that looking at grammar is something I can do. It's nice when a community of believers can support each other in different respects.

It's funny when I don't think I'm awfully smart, but there might just be some out there who think so! Incredible. Well, for every good result in school and otherwise, I've had to work really really hard and burn some midnight oil. So at least I'm unlike those who can party all night and score pretty high grades. I'm just thankful for every good thing that comes from above. In the end, I can't control what others think or do.

Weekday joys

First week of work has been a dream. Regular hours, time to sit down, free drinking water--yup it's a dream. Had staff lunch today and got to hear a lot and see a lot at the office. Everyone has been a kind soul, which is so rare these days. Can't be anything but God's gift. This week's been peppered with choir practice for the upcoming big performance of Messiah selections. We're collaborating with high school students, and I'm just amazed that they're so talented for being able to execute the music at their young age!

Freedom!

It's Saturday today!! So excited because no work, and no bible study training yet. So went to Mitsuwa--the Japanese supermarket in the morning. So many fond memories there! Hoarded two packs of Royal Milk Tea (thanks C for recommending it--it's really good) and Bourbon Chocolate mini wafers. Altogether a very satisfying and refreshing day. Perfect timing for a break, and I did genuinely feel relaxed.

There's a Catch

Last day at Peet's today. Got some snacks from Trader Joe's for all of my co-workers. All of them have been really friendly, and many were sad to see me go. My manager especially--she's so kind-hearted. Some assured me I can always return! Haha--actually I haven't learned how to make espresso drinks yet. But now I'm much better at standing on tiptoe to stir the coffee grinds, and I do know how to brew good tea...

The other item God ordered for me, which wasn't on the menu I gave for Him, was the chance to serve in His Kingdom work. Before I heard about any full-time job, before even experiencing God's giant victory over every obstacle, the teaching leader for bible study invited me to be a discussion leader. This was in the beginning of March.

So surprised! Honestly I didn't expect any of this to happen. I only started attending the bible study for a few months--certainly I wasn't at all familiar with how they organized everything. How can I help out?

Then when everything else happened, I knew. God wanted me to take on the job, take on the role of leading bible study--both--together.

Although I knew what God wanted, I did not understand. How would I devote adequate time and energy to both if I did them simultaneously? Didn't make sense, right? I had no choice but to follow.

This was God's divine interruption, and one of His interesting Catches to life.

---Woh, my mini bamboo plant just came crashing down! No worries, only spilt a bit of water. Pretty windy tonight...

No menu for God

Today, I decided to spill the beans to my manager and give everyone 1 week's notice before I leave. Yes, I've chosen to leave Peet's and work in the full-time job! In all ways this is the best decision.

I've been thinking about why I got an offer so unexpectedly and quickly, seemingly out of the blue. If I really had to come up with a good reason, I guess it all started in February of this year.

The job-hunting process was painful and slow, and I didn't like the fact that I wasn't really doing anything to show my faith in God. Being led by the Holy Spirit (I thought it was my idea at first, but I'm sure God directed my thoughts) to donate a certain sum for His kingdom work. Since everything I have belongs to God anyway, I have nothing to lose. I want to trust Him with my future.

Immediately, my friend e-mails me "randomly" and tells me about her upcoming short-term mission trip! Something amazing was happening here. I quickly told her about how my heart was moved, then made my donation to fund her trip. Initially, I didn't act too quickly, but God really pushed me and shouted in my head into acting on the promise I made toward Him!

So, God usually doesn't choose from the items on the menu He made. Rather, He orders special dishes not from our menu, to surprise and perhaps delight us. Another not-from-the-menu order coming soon...

Peet's Journal--Hot and Cold Clash

Whew! Long day today. Endless people rattling off orders before I can punch in the correct buttons! And can't believe my normally experienced co-worker spilled cold drinks three times--once onto a nice warm coat that a stylish girl was wearing. Cold sticky stuff onto expensive wool material--yikes not good. Must take these days strong, good or bad.

Peet's Freddos. Yum

Peet's Journal--Cinderella Weekend

Felt like I was Cinderella for the whole weekend. Lots of sweeping and "elbow grease". My first official two days at work (with tips) began yesterday (yay!). Many of my co-workers told me to take off the "training" sticker from my name tag, but sometimes I sneaked it back on during the busy times of the store. The customers were usually more forgiving this way.

Long day today. After church, had to rush over to work. It's good practice on my customer service skills though. All in all it's been a great molding for me as a person. For example, now I'll remember to say "thank you" when someone serves me at a store, because I know how draining it can be to be nice/courteous all the time to people who couldn't care less or who are too busy with their errands to be polite.

Work starts early tomorrow! Good night.