Sunday, February 29, 2004

Hmmm, how does writing prose feel? I think I still like lyrics better because ordinary thoughts and words can be transformed through music. I don't think I'm the type of person who can breathe poetic life into prose itself. How do you reach that place?
And will you leap for leap year?

Site: Garnet Sea
E-mail: GCat

Friday, February 27, 2004

La Musique

Music I've been listening to these couple weeks:

John Mayer's No Such Thing
fojimoto -
Bonnie Pink's Kako to Genjitsu (The Past and Reality)
Aimee Mann -

Site: Garnet Sea
E-mail: GCat

Monday, February 23, 2004

Fairy Tales II

(See Fairy Tales I for intro.)
Little Mermaid: I refuse to pretend or long to be someone else, even for seemingly good causes and reasons, or to make friends. I want others to like me for who I am, not for who they think I am. Yet sometimes it is hard to define who I am in a simple sentence. Of course, I’m still struggling with the fact that I put too much importance on what I do than on who I am as a basis for liking me, but I hope I can grow out of this habit with God’s guidance. Sometimes I tell myself that I’ve to be more selfish and I must live my own life and not worry too much about others’ lives. Therefore, I very much treasure each and every person who has responded warmly to me, and who have subsequently thought they are ok with me being me. I have no reason to wish to be very identifiable in terms of where I belong, because God made me this way. God has chosen for me to be a “beautiful blended person” culturally—free to pursue my own tastes and what truly moves me, rather than by what others dictate. And for this I thank You, o Lord.

I will have a voice. I’ll learn to state my true opinions more. I will not trade my languages for anything in the world. My hope is that slowly, people will come to realize the wonderful enlightenment that comes with opening up about how they feel about language and culture, and be able to share their experiences.

The youngest of the 12 Dancing Princesses: I refuse to do what everyone else is doing in terms of being curt, rude, or intimidating to anyone whom they deem lower than themselves. Speaking slowly and gently doesn’t mean I’m weak, stupid or feeble-minded. I refuse to counter rudeness with rudeness. Instead, help me to be patient but also know when to give up. Inner strength, integrity and intelligence doesn’t come from without but from within. Of course, there are times when I absolutely must outwardly prove myself to avoid danger. But I thank You, Lord, for being with me even when I’m at my worst and when I feel I don’t know anything anymore.

All: I ask You, God, to strengthen me and heal me and shatter the false mirror that I’ve been unwilling to give up. Please take me back to the path You want me to be on and walk with me. Amen.

Website: Garnet Sea
E-mail to Athena

Fairy Tales I

I've been listening to Mai Kuraki 's "Fairy Tale~my last teenage wish" lately, in fact I've been hooked to it. While listening to this song, I thought about what some fairy tale characters could have learned if all the stories had sad endings (note that Lil' Mermaid already has a sad ending.) Could've converted these to lyrics to the song, but right now prose has more attraction for me. In other words--too lazy! Maybe later. And instead of partaking in meta-discussion of why I wrote this or that, let these speak for themselves.

Cinderella: I refuse to continue to think like a victim or think everyone dislikes me because of who I am. Sometimes sincere kindness doesn’t ask for anything back. Can I give without having expectations from others? Can I serve with a cheerful heart?

Snow White: Where are the seven dwarves? Where is my Prince Charming? They are not here to protect or to save me. Tempting yet harmful apples may be thrown at me from every which way. Give me a discerning heart, o God, and remind me that it is You who sustains me.

Little Red Riding Hood: What are the things I choose to focus my attention on? I will listen to sound teachings and not be distracted by mindless pastimes. I will take time to cultivate discipline before ignorance swallows me whole, or at least comes so close that the level of danger is the same.

Website: Garnet Sea
E-mail to Athena

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Love, Delia

No time to work too much on G Sea lately, but can't bear to leave February quietly either. So decided to share a creative writing assignment from almost three years ago. It may've remote ties to Japanese culture, so arguably it's a legit departure. It's long, but didn't want to edit it. Enjoy.

March, 01

The Diary of Delia

Date: September 10, 2050
Weather: rayless, but no wind

Dear diary,

It is good to see you again. The weather is optimum, but I feel so unbalanced! There are so many things going on! First, let me talk about college. I’ve slowly gotten used to college life and living in a dorm. My room-mate Jono is really nice and easy-going. He’s dependable, too! Every day, it is he who turns the wake-up beep back on when I have shouted for the beep to stop! It is he who takes care of our morning coffee by punching in the perfect mix of sugar and creamer on the machine hanging on the wall. He also helps me program in the perfect bath so that all I have to do is push a button when I want one. I wonder how anyone survived during the days when there were no robots to help us? Life must have been more stressful and complicated for those people. Someone must have thought of that and tried to perfect robots so that they looked and acted like humans on the outside, but had artificial intelligence on the inside. I have seen old cartoons depicting these robots, and now they are a reality! How convenient! Jono is a great friend.
I have to go to class again. There are so many classes to take, and each claims to have a little bit of conditioning for us. Is this a good thing? Also, my slim-top computer keeps having viruses. I have to use Jono’s laptop in the classes until he fixes mine. My computer must be outdated. It does not help when suppliers upgrade all appliances every three months! No one has all that money to keep up! However, many are willing to work so hard just so they can buy what they need. Well, people can do what they want.

Back to the classes. The teachers think that conditioning is needed until one graduates from college. After so many years of conditioning, I still do not grasp the whole idea. For example, today I had French. We had a pop quiz that required us to react and answer immediately to the model situation. After the French robot asked the question rapidly, I replied what I believed was a good and snappy answer. Suddenly, the lecturer asked me to go into a little room. There were two other people there. She told me to put on an earpiece and think about what I had said. The music-filled tape gently urged me to be more polite to the French since having France as our ally greatly enhanced our status as a country. I sighed, switched off the machine, went back out, and modified my answer. So this is college conditioning! It does not really work for me. This is so passé. People must have invented this to protect us and train us to be good diplomats, but it does not work. Perhaps it was unheard of in the past, but we can now think for ourselves. Conditioning us to be good citizens will only have a very mild influence on us. We should protest to ban and eliminate such attempts at controlling our thinking! We should prove to them how unnecessary it is to continue conditioning us like babies, as some psychologists believe.

I miss my family so much, even after just spending the summer with them. Will I see my parents ever again? The marriage license of Sally and Bob (my mom and dad if you forgot) is expiring soon—will they renew it or get a new one? What will happen? I really hope that they will renew the license, or my brothers and I will be in big trouble. Although I am away in college, my brothers live at home, and I cannot bear to think the family has to restructure. I still can’t get over our last set of parents. They did nothing but watch TV all day, and we had to do all the cooking and dishwashing. It was real cooking and hand washing! I did not bother e-mailing them a thank you note for being nice parents. At the very least, I hope my brothers and I get one old parent so the shift does not have to be so hard. I wonder if anyone still follows the tradition of having the same set of parents and being married to the same person for ever? I cannot remember the time when marriages lasted. Marriage vows seem to break very easily. Still, I am hoping for the best!

Speaking of love, I am really concerned about the way my brother Trowa is handling his relationship with his GF. Trowa is 17. I always joke with him that the term GF does not mean “girlfriend” but “guardian force” after that epic video game. His GF is constantly checking on him 24 hours a day like his mother. She’s even eight years older than he is! She must be afraid that he would not be loyal, but I have heard rumors that she is dating some older guy. Should I e-mail Trowa? He tells me that she is ready for sex and is constantly threatening him about it and saying he doesn't love her anymore, but he wants to wait. What has happened to mutually respectful relationships? I’m trying to tell him that he doesn’t have to give in if he doesn’t want to, but Trowa thinks that it isn’t fair to his GF. I wish he could just leave her if she makes him that uncomfortable. Why not just get a female robot and get over the GF? There will be no hurt and all the fun. However, he would not listen to me. The reason why I got into this college was because I stayed a virgin up until then. It is kind of ironic that people will pay for your college tuition if only you abstain from sex! It is pretty amazing in my opinion that most kids in the olden days abstain until they get married! Everyone is doing it nowadays because the danger of getting infected with STDs and AIDs has lowered. Is this society’s fault, or technology’s fault?

Ok, I have to go. I really hope everything will return to being in equilibrium.

Love, Delia

Website: Garnet Sea
E-mail to Athena